Vibrators vs Capitalism: A (Mostly) Serious Thought Experiment

• “In a system built on scarcity and guilt, pleasure is a form of protest.”

There’s something delightfully subversive about buying a vibrator.

Not in the Victorian-swoon sense of “Oh heavens, what is this peculiar humming contraption?” no, we’re well past that. What I mean is: in a society that thrives on urgency, shame, and the relentless monetisation of your every moment, choosing joy, especially self-generated, solo joy, is deeply anti-capitalist.

Let me explain.

Capitalism, clever little engine that it is, relies on three core mechanics: insecurity, deferral, and external validation. You're not hot yet, but if you subscribe, exfoliate, upgrade, and wait 6–8 weeks, you might be. You're not successful yet, but with enough grind, delayed gratification, and “habits of billionaires” podcast episodes, you’ll eventually deserve it. You don’t deserve rest, intimacy, or indulgence — unless it’s earned. Unless it’s monetised.

But vibrators, glorious rebels that they are, say otherwise. They’re the shortcut, the life-hack, the mutiny. They bypass capitalism’s false promises and hand you, quite literally, the power.

The Microeconomics of the Orgasm

Imagine, for a moment, if economists approached orgasms with the same rigour as inflation. (Though in fairness, both are, in their own way, somewhat elusive and hotly debated at dinner tables.)

An orgasm doesn’t devalue with supply. It doesn’t demand a subscription. It can’t be commodified beyond the tool — and even that can be shared, borrowed, gifted, or glow-in-the-dark.

What’s more: it’s unproductive in the capitalist sense. You don’t make anything. You don’t hustle. You don’t post it on LinkedIn with the hashtag #selfcareCEO.

You just… feel.

And that, dear reader, terrifies the system.

Ready to start your own small rebellion? Explore our favourite tools of joyful resistance →

The Silent Rebellion of Pleasure

Capitalism wants your time, your clicks, your cortisol. Pleasure wants your presence.

Vibrators don’t ask you to optimise. They don’t shame you for not being partnered. They don’t require six-pack abs or a perfect lighting setup. They’re democratic. They’re efficient. And they’re fiercely intimate in a world that monetises performance.

Which is precisely why buying a vibrator — especially one you chose, for you, outside of any performative gaze — is quietly radical.

It’s not hedonism. It’s reclamation.

Curious about the ethics of your toys? Visit our ethical toy category.

From the Marx of Masturbation to the Market

Of course, I’m not suggesting Nox Glow is building the utopian socialist revolution (though wouldn’t that make a fantastic tagline: “Pleasure to the people”).

But I am suggesting that pleasure — real, raw, autonomous pleasure — is a crack in the system’s armour.

Because when you choose yourself, without guilt, hierarchy, or hustle, you remind capitalism it’s not the only game in town.

Sometimes, the most rebellious thing you can do is say: “I want this. I deserve this. And I don’t need permission.”

And then…

Buzz.